Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
