I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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