I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
