i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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