Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
