Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
