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I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
