i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
