i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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