They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
