Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
