White coat. Heels.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
