That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
