Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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