bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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