You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
