so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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