but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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