im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
