I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You are a genius and a whore.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
