**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She bit a glass in half.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
