that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
