Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
