we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
