I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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