Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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