He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
