Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
