Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I will be naked everywhere
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
