There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
and you said cock pushups were impossible
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
