he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
