I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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