hell yes lets make some ravioli
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
