it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
