I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
