I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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