That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She even gives head with a lisp.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
