I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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