New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
