haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
