You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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