ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
