She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
