Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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