she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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