Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
