I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
