i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
