it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
