Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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