I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
