we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
