I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
