what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
