her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
