what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
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Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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