I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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