In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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