So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
