when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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