I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
