We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize