Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it's great music for shaving your balls
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
