The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
