hotel room ftw
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
