Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
