Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
