just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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