I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Randomize
